Monday, March 31, 2014

The Hardest things.

The hardest things about Christian's death, are the struggle with the question ,Who would he have become with my guidance in his life?
(I think I did ok,except for teaching him to sustain from physical confrontation,I wish I had told him to kick their asses) He was so talented as a boarder and was a sponsored boarder in Killeen by his skate store and his wild dedication to the sport and had met many pro and non-pro boarders on Hood.....
Missing his morning kiss on the cheek ,quick hug and I love you Mom on the way out the door to school AND seeing how he was with his baby sister and brother and had no problem showing he loved them.! thats not all there are more but those are the top reasons when you lose your child to bullying it is not a natural death or an accident no childs death is ok.
 I loved you then I love you still Always have and always will.....

Never can I be at peace, your silence speaks volumes in our family,the way you loved and were loved is missed and I will never stop fighting...

Monday, February 24, 2014

Wow Tomorrow..............

Wow, Tomorrow it is a big day for myself,William and Faith, tomorrow we will go to a meeting at a local ISD here and ask to be put on an official list for the Anti-Bullying week to talk to kids for my kids to talk to kids so that those kids who are my kids age can see openly the heartbreak our loss really is, Christian was more than my son and their brother, they miss him just like I do and it is hard to believe they all don't have the same blood going through their veins ,we all miss his laughter and his smile,his hugs and I love you's , his drive to wait in line to get Black Ops which comes out on his Birthday every year 5November! I can still remember his Buddy in Killeen Ryan(don't be fooled by his huge frame for he is very nice and sweet and Ryan was Christian's ride on 4Nov2009 to get the game we had paid for which was all he wanted for his 16th BD.....
   I hope all goes well tomorrow, I hope the answer is the one I wanted but for now I will just head to bed and go to sleep....ear infection and all...

This is ME ........Missing you...........

Hey Love,
I sure miss you.....thinking of the man you'de have become by now and how fun we would've had......How handsome and sweet you would be,the woman you love would've changed and maybe just maybe you still would come up to me in front of your friends an still said "Hey Mom I love you" and give me a hug and kiss my cheek like you always did,no matter who was around.....

and now This is Me,Missing YOU!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Hey my love,
Been thinking about you today, your birthday is coming up we know what we want to do , I am missing you alot lately, I am super pissed the school didnt do anything but on the bright side they passed the bill 1871 in Virginia the bill they worked on after your death, I  am glad its been passed though it needed to be passed and Ross,Evan,Michael and Brian had been held accountable for the part they played the LARGE part they played in your death, I would love to confront them better yet, I would love for your siblings to be able to show them all the pain they instilled in this family, and funny thing is...its amazing how how something will turn someone in a heartbeat!! 

  I love you most and I miss you mostest.....Hug Emme and Chleo and play on with all the kids you've met I hope your flying free of pain and skating on the best of boards and parks....

Love forever

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Helping someone who inserted herself in my life when I needed her.

As a mother of a child who died due to bullying it is very hard to deal with, shortly after my son died and it hit the media, I recieved a letter from a woman in North Carolina,She didnt know me and I didnt know her but we did have something in common, she also had a child that was bullied and that was where our simmularities ended, and I got to meet that gorgeous young adult and her name is Brooke and is a very special young lady.

  Cristy apologized in the letter and was very nervous ,when I got her mail asking if I would speak at the 1st Anti-Bullying rally there was no hesitation I said yes immediatly and told her I will be there  and this becomes a friendship with an unbreakable bond.

Now just recently a person who was big part of her life and her families life just passed away due to a car accident and she is starting her journey of the loss of this amazing young man(and he was AMAZING) this loss is hitting her very hard and it is very emotionally challenging her senses and all the mood swings, the I wish I had one more second to tell him I love him.
  To those who havent lost a child to bullying or actually anything else,this is how you feel from the minute you are informed of the death of your loved one, the breathe has been knocked out of you disbelief and heartbreak and then your legs give out and all you can do is cry hysterically it doesnt make sense you just saw them,and your world takes a nose dive.
  To Cristy I am so sorry, I am here and lean on me.. 

Much love to you and his family also...


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Another Mom's loss.

Another mother has lost a precious son, He didn't die due to bullying,but none the less her son is gone and her pain is just beginning, I met this mother in 2010 when asked to be a keynote speaker at KABS Anti-bullying rally Cristy Price Reese.
  I know I cannot take away from her grief but I do want her to know my heart breaks for her and her family members and the rest of the family that was in Austins life he was very special to alot of people and dealing with this type of loss over the next few months will be hard for them and I hope they know, they will never be far from my thoughts, even though I dont have all the answers, I do have shoulders that can help them carry the pain of his death.
   As parents we always want the best for our kids and when something happens that takes them from the "planned" life we have in mind it is very painful and all those dreams vanish.
  To Austins family I am so sorry, I met you when my pain was fresh in my mind but you were there, unwaivering and steady and I believe that when Austin crossed over my son was there to meet him and I am here.....just ask if you need to.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Life Lessons


I sit here thinking about my son, and how people not in my immediate family or even just per chance I cross their path in 
my life,My life now with a very important piece of my puzzle missing.
   You feel you have the right to interject your opinion on my
life and tell me I need to "get over" Christian's death its been 
over 3 years I have a family to take care of etc etc etc.
  So now I am going to "interject" MY RIGHT to tell you to go
to hell, if you are not a permanent fixture in my life then move on and shut UP, unless you have lost a child to bullying (which by far in my opinion exceeds more than a natural death) if your child died due to illness, you had time to prepare for it, I had no time,except
walking into his room the 20 steps from my room to his after hearing "I dont know how long he's been there"?!?!?!
  Bullying in  todays society has become vile,hostile and way beyond mean,our kids are being told that the world would be a better place without them,they are called names and assaulted physically and mentally and all the while the school staff turn their heads and ignore what is going on in their schools, I give a rats ass if they are under paid or have to many students they shouldnt have become a teacher or admin at a school, but they did and there is by far NO GOOD excuse to let bullying happen in front of them as it did to my son, who when Ross decided to make a scene in the hall in front of the office, my son was told by one of the AP's to come to her office and my son's response was Yes Ma'am all while Ross Tombs was screaming and making a scene this happened AFTER I met with the school and they said they would protect my son.
  So My son is being blatantly bullied IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL and MOST OF THE ADMINISTRATION witnesses galore and yet they still had no proof just 2 written statements , One from Christian's friend Alec and low and behold one from Christian detailing what Ross,Evan,Michael and Brian(yes there was a 4th student I never knew about until we went to trial and what I heard made me physically ill the administraters admitted they did nothing,nada jacksh*t and what makes me more angry than before is Karen Farringer was in the hallway the day Ross Tombs went off on a tirade and she did NOTHING except ask my son to go with her to her office and he did just that some time after that Ross had to be escorted out of the offices because he was so rude and refused to leave, this wasnt Ross's first rodeo either he was well known at Grafton high school he was a regular bully and had no problem telling people they should die or sit in the corner and cut themselves throw food at people and never did anyone who had the power to hold him accountable for his actions step in at ANY TIME throughout his years at Grafton High school.
  When school started in September Ross moved on to another member of my family, Christian's older brother Gregg who was all sorts of excited about graduating with his cousin Christina but when Ross started messing with Gregg he decided to quit his SR year and he did and we moved.
    As you start a new school year remember this.
See it,report it,hear it,report it,witness it REPORT IT! if they ignore it tell another and another until someone does something  and if a friend says something about taking their life tell someone I would much rather have a friend whom is mad at me but alive than a friend who I will never be able to talk to again.

Day by Day is how I make it,my heart is shattered for Christian had the world in the palm of his hand and 4 people took him from us with words and in my opinion that is Murder by proxy...